my-inqueeries:

gloomed:

mr-leach:

Some things I’ve learned in the CBT clinics I’ve been going to regarding anxiety that I thought might be helpful to some.

I need to show that panic disorder one to a lot of people wow

THIS THIS THIS THIS

The me ive become in the past year is riddled with a few of these

now i know what to call them

 

Well I’ve tried really hard

And I’ve bought my makeup

And I’ve bought my feel good clothes

Again I’ve come full circle

And realized that trying hard

Only shows me how little I have to work with

I don’t fit the female schema

I can’t use my looks to get ahead

I can’t use my looks to feel good about myself

Maybe if I spent all my money on clothes and makeup

I would meet this sort of glowing threshold of sanity

And feel differently, like I’ve done everything I possibly could

I don’t feel this way yet, I’ve spent my money on weed and food

I’m not trying hard enough

I don’t have a soul to offer these beauty gods

Perhaps instead of spending hundreds of dollars on a card game

That I will never be good at

I should have spent that money trying hard

Perhaps I should just not involve myself in any of the male-oriented activities

That’s what megan did

I seem to be a drag on them anyways

If I spent that time trying maybe I’d feel adequate

I don’t want to be a drag

If I felt adequate I wouldn’t be

Even if it means spending 80% of the time tucked away trying

At least I’d be chipper 20%

Instead of lifeless , ugly, and boring 100%

To accept these circumstances is pretty grim

To accept these circumstances is to accept that to ever feel close to as valuable as the person next to me, to even begin to exude confidence

I need to spend 80% of my time tucked away in the bathroom

Staring at a face, body, and hair I hate

Pruning and painting it, feeling like a clown

Hating every moment of it, hoping it may be worth it in the end

 

I really don’t want to accept this at all

I’d really rather die, fuck all this

If this is what I have to do for the rest of my life

Just to be on competitive par

Then I hate being alive

But I also can’t escape it

I’m so trapped

No palatable options, no control

I hate it all

Nobody gives a shit anyway

I no longer believe in trust

Everybody who stays around has something to be personally gained from it

This “support system” is an illusion

As soon as I fall, so will it

This is what I was afraid of

When I got into this relationship

All men want the same thing

And its not something I possess

I told him that I didn’t think I had it in me

That I wasn’t sure if I was mentally ready

Now he’s being berraded with a shitstorm of my insecurities

Because I entered this with the naïve hope that this relationship could change the fact that I’ve wished death daily since the fourth grade

I thought a relationship could make my problems go away

Instead, its just another realm of my life that I can be hopelessly mediocre at

I just want to disconnect

Can I cancel my stream of consciousness yet?

This isn’t the first time I’ve wished to disappear without a trace

So that a better life can continue for the people around me

They don’t need my bitching anymore, the people I know can do without it

I can spare everybody from evil vibes just by removing myself

But I can’t even do that

If he cared, he would have made an effort.
Things I tell myself at 3 am (via thefinest-blog)

(Source: folkmoonmagic)

(Source: p-i-r-a-d-o)

graceandcompany:

♥LIKE : Octahedral Fluorite on Quartz on green Fluorite - De’An, Jiangxi Province, China

(Source: ebay.com)

existences:

fantasticarepickles:

this makes my heart ache

Silverstein always has been, and always will be my favorite poet because he doesn’t even need words in his poem to make people open their eyes.

(via

is this the heady topper beer guy?


quantum-consciousness:

Kathy Klein is a devout lover of plants, animals, people and the divine presence within all.  She creates the danmalas by first centering herself in a meditative devotional space.  Next she gathers flowers and natural objects while her mind is kept in mantra, resting in the immaterial. Then, through an act of grace and giving to all, she allows the materials to fall to the will of creation patterns. Her inspiration is given from the golden sound residing within perfect silence. They are reflections of the inexpressible, a gesture which points towards life’s abundance, an unspoken verse of Love. The danmalas remind us all to listen to the unheard voice of nature, creation, and the eternal mystery.

pearl-sam:

This looks like a fucking family photo that people go to get professionally done. Anthony is the smiling mom, flea is the serious dad, Dave is the troubled son, and chad is the homosexual son.

(Source: the-mirror-man)